put a smile on your face, asshole.

i think that - for me - recognition of real love sprouts out of the the most desperate and confusing times of our lives.
sometimes i forget that there exists details of individual relationships that do not need to be known to the "group"
already woven tightly together, it becomes a struggle to separate myself from all the other exterior feelings.
i'm starting to see things from all sides,
and it scares the hell out of me to think life will always be like this.

i hope, otherwise.

there is no more black and white.

tomorrow's horoscope

You may not know where your current motivation is coming from today, but it can spur you on to be more spiritually inclined. It's hard to separate your religious obligations from your desire to increase your awareness about the cosmos and yourself. It may be useful to bring a confidante into your life so you have someone to talk to about your as of yet unformed ideas.

playback that sad song
that promised you would
never be alone
i'll stay up with you
tonight.

there seems to exist no boundaries that can keep us in or out now.

"i'd like to repeat the advice i gave you before, in that i think you really should make a radical change in our lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. so many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within man than a secure future. the very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. the joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon...

you are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. god has placed it all around us. it is in everything and anything we might experience. we just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

my point is that you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this knew kind of light in your life. it is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. the only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstance."

- Alex McCandless,
into the wild, chapter six

eighteen hours later.
he's gone again.

i was explaining to a friend earlier today
that morality didn't seem to exist for anyone's actions/behavior -
i convinced myself that it was okay that everyone pursued their own happiness.



he yells on phone. then silence.
i see the the outline of his head above the wooden fence.
behind him a red wall with lights -
mufflers of cruisers on sunset in the distance.
crickets chirp close by the window.

his voice drowns out in between.

and all i can think of are muffled tears in the silence of a moving car.
speechless.

i cry, too.

tonight i saw first hand
what it looks like when shit hits the fan.

today i drove to huntington to pick up a suit
quickly ate a wet burrito by the freeway
doctored my creative suite
then hung out with the band before they left.

in twenty minutes i'm leaving to pick boone up at the airport.
then i will see old faces and watch.

i slowly weave my way back into life outside my own mind.
so why all the neon colored butterflies?

in the last ten minutes i've changed my shirt six times.
on my way.

two years ago today.
portland, oregon.

my heart flutters when i hear my phone ring.
an interview? a job?

an old friend. our voices have become strangers.

the lines we keep in distance can alter the idea of unconditional love.
reconnecting makes your realize something even greater.

with you, within.







something beautiful at the roots.

intricate machines visit sunset house.

love and some verses

love is a dress that you made
long to hide your knees
love to say this to your face,
"i'll love you only"
for your days and excitement,
what will you keep for to wear?
someday drawing you different,
may I be weaved in your hair?

love and some verses you hear
say what you can't say
love to say this in your ear,
"i'll love you that way"
from your changing contentments,
what will you choose for to share?
someday drawing you different,
may I be weaved in your hair?

- iron and wine



will you marry me?
(i'm on one knee)

peace be upon you all.
one by one, we are each seeking happiness.

and i, incapable of making any moral judgments,
have created a space that will be left untouched.

love battle love
and mismatched glances makes both of us believe
that we weren't looking.

the crowd is too thick to be with you, gatekeeper.

i have come to believe the muses
in my life are those that significantly change
my everyday perception that fuels creation.
then the unexpected spark
will light it all up.

a firework show.
our lives. exploding.

this is embarrassing.

http://iancito44.livejournal.com/

cinefile.
ice cream melted on the warm asphalt.
cameras clicking in unison.

golden hours and crustacean blues
the sun was up for just a little while.

then another blackout.

this was all i can remember.
this and the oceaan green chevy parked out front.