i cannot count the number for fairness.
mutuality was not an equal sign,
but those words
felt like 6.2 pounds
lifted off
my already heavy shoulders.
displaced by regret.

and like angels
i hear a choir of friends
reminding me
to laugh
at myself.

life without honesty
and these feelings
unexpressed
can leave the strongest
of men
to hide all truths we come across.

what good is a world
if we horde all the
meaning we find.
reality begins
with a shared idea
in the collaboration
of lonely geniuses.

i care
because
you do.

i hate 14th so much that
i stare at square concrete
slabs passing me by in silence
forgetting to look up at my destination.

i pant so hard
that i get angry when
your mom holds my arm while
she attempts to start a conversation
about how i love you,
halfway up the hill.

and when everyone asks me
how you are,
i have a set answer to quickly hide this separation
without revealing how shitty that question
makes me feel.

i listen to how everyone misses you up here
and i found that maybe i have been living in lies,
and how at some point someone will eventually
see through
my bullshit.