lenders in the temple




the short delay. the parrot blues. little voices micic you.
it's not so hard to make that sound.
so watch your back the ides of march.
cut your hair like joan of arc
disgusie your will that fans you out.
and when they do... look out.

there's money lenders inside the temple
that circus tiger's gonna break your heart.
something so wild turned into paper.
if i loved you, well that's my fault.

a bitch in heat. the alpha male.
not something she'd ever tell
except she got deathly high.
and out it came like summer rain.
washed the cars and everyy thing.
felt clean for just a little while.

the telephone we drunk dialed.

the starving children they ain't got no mother.
there's pink flamingos living in the mall.
i'd give a forutne to your infomercial.
if somebooyd would just take my call.
take my call.
take my call.

hello? patterns in my mind now moving slow.
sorrow all across the surface rows.
smoothing out the edges of the stone.
the lights are out where everybody go alone.

erase yourslf and you'll free.
mendula destroyed by the sea.
all we all is colored sand.
so pay to ride the ferris whells. smile.
all you can feel is gratitude for what has been.
because it did not happen.

there's money lenders inside the templs
the circus tigers gonna break my heart
something so wild turned into paper
if you love me then that's your fault

there's money lenders inside the temple
this crystal city's gonna fall apart
when all their power turns into vapor
if i if i miss you, well that's my fault

that's my fault
that's my fault

-conor oberst

my original teachers



i realized recently that every person i have thought i was in love with
was but another person that i could imagine spending the rest of my life with.

i have learned that there are an infinite ways of seeing,
and therefore there are an infinite ways of loving.

that's what they taught me that day.



rethinking life and all its parts.

unfair stresses and hand candy cut in half.
we accommodated everyone we could,
at the expense of the experience itself.

a handful of small bodies
danced happily on the floor
for those it failed, we rolled smokes in the cold.
and all ended up on the dance floor, anyway.

and in the morning i had all these photographs of your face.
and i learned how to turn the dark into light.
and all i'm left with is that rainbow bracelet with my name on it
given by my new saviors when as i entered this home of promise.

only as we turn our backs to we realize
the heat of true comfort of the roads we just left.
nostalgia and regret that there wasn't enough time
to sit at the coffee shop window this time.

i liked it when it rained.

i was forced to speak of optimism
before i could partake in it genuinely,
jumping the gun on plans than never panned out.
i regretted letting you down more than myself.

a running start guarantees your cigarette will reach the street.

others' homes that were never mine,
but given freely at the exchange of some innocence
of our friendship.
i left the scent of high as i left,

locking the front door and heading out the back.

clever escapes were my forte.
but i find that perchance i did not escape it at all.









moving to los angeles was the most difficult decision i've made in a long time.
and leaving you again was the most grown up thing that i could do.

something like unconditional love.

"don't ask yourself what the world needs - ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. because what the world needs is people who come alive." - Howard Thurman

*** written in green pen on white business card of Ariel S. "international superstar" ***

renewal of creative spirits.

apostates and saints

brothers unthreatened
by flashes of light
and, perhaps, the truth
came too soon for us.

luca carried him
dylan's baby blues
haight to castro house
reflections exist.

unfold the patterns.

we create futures
that clash with reform.
lighter ways to homes
we built in the sky.

express hope without
first person pronouns.
reveal perfect Truth
without the embrace.

speak to validate
our theories of love
seeking some insight
freestyle, sexy.

there once was a boy...

please do not step off the
edges others have created for you.
even though you're too good to be in this crazy world,
let's learn how to fly first thing in tomorrow morning
the edges will be no matter.

until then you're welcome in my bed
for some pillow talk and spooning.

i'll stay up tonight at the gates of a dream.

this is what selling my soul sounds like.

September 10, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

I am submitting for your consideration my qualifications for the administrative assistant II position. I received my bachelor’s degree in June, 2008, from the University of California, Los Angeles, majoring in the interdepartmental Study of Religion. I believe that my academic training combined with my previous work experience makes me a well-suited candidate.

I have had extensive work experience, as I have been employed for over four years, throughout my entire college career. My experience as a medical clerk/transcriber gave me the skills needed to manage a busy small business as well as maintain the schedules, billing, and contact with clients and office employees. I was in charge of administrative duties, reception work, and office maintenance. As a Director of Internal Affairs for UCLA Student Coalition for Marriage Equality, we learned how to start and manage an on campus grassroots campaign (establishing the first university student group for this specific civil rights issue), while my duties specifically focused on creating a volunteer and ally database entry system, volunteer turnout, event planning, and assistance in campus events and off campus canvassing and outreach. I learned skills that will prove very valuable programmer, manager, and organizer.

These positions provided me with the skills to handle many situations, including problem solving, multi-tasking, research, project development, administration, and customer service. I always strive to produce above and beyond what is expected of me, as I have a strong work ethic and a passion for excelling in all that I do. I also have experience with many software applications, which are outlined in my resume.

Throughout my course of study at UCLA I participated in various groups in the coordination and planning of both large and small-scale campus events. These duties have fine-tuned my work as a proactive leader that is ready to take on the responsibility of scheduling, planning, pricing, and contracts while simultaneously teaching me the importance of being a team player and providing as much support to the larger efforts and visions of these student groups. Additionally, I have had experience in the production of two independent photography exhibitions which have further trained me in areas such as fundraising, venue planning and design, large digital printing, and helped me create efficient timelines for large scale projects.

I believe that my desire to work hard as an individual and team player in this type of university environment, coupled with my work experience and interpersonal skills could make me a valuable asset to your department. Please contact me at your earliest convenience so I may provide you with more information. I can be reached at (661) 496-5279 or at ian.rios@gmail.com.

Sincerely,

Thomas Ian Rios

"Time itself slogged along in rhythm with my faltering steps. The people around me had gone on ahead long before, while my time and I hung back, struggling through the mud. The world around me was on the verge of great transformation... But the "changes" that came were just two dimensional stage sets, background without substance or meaning. I truged along through each day in its turn, looking up only rarely, eyes locked on the endless swamp that lay before me, planting my right foot, raising my left, planting my left foot, raising my right, never sure where I was, never sure I was headed in the right direction, knowing only that I had to keep moving one step at a time...

My whole body felt enveloped in some kind of membrane, cutting off any direct contact between me and the outside world. I couldn't touch 'them," and "they" couldn't touch me. I was utterly helpless, and as long as I remained in that state, 'they" were unable to reach out to me. I sat leaning against the wall, staring up at the ceiling. When I felt hungry I would nibble anything within reach, take a drink of water, and when sadness of it got to me, I'd knock myself out with whiskey. I didn't bathe. I didn't shave."

- murakami, norwegian wood (chapter 10)

yellow roses.

there he stands on the farm
with his eyes on a windmill
and his head goes round and round
like the hours of the night will

yellow roses maybe all he will bring you
but no night bird will sing the songs he'll sing you
so when he wants you you have to stay
you have to hold him it's the only way
it's the only way

and who knows where he hides
only somewhere inside him
it's the only place he's found
where no fences surround him

you might find him in the darkness kneeling
he's found no reason for this love he's feeling
so when he wants you now and again
don't let the time slip past you all in vain
all in vain

there he goes along the wall
catch him now before he falls
while he tries to break the chains
that bind what’s gone to what remains

yellow roses may be all he will bring you
but no night bird will sing the songs he'll sing you
so when he wants you you have to stay
you have to hold him it's the only way
it's the only way

-heron

"I could hear my own breathing.  This was a hard subject.  I had realized by then that I didn't feel what others called "desire." Something was missing in me.  I felt love - the strain and heat of it, the animal comfort mixed up with human fear.  I felt it for all the Glovers, for Sammi at the bakery, for Dylan when he sang "Baby Blue."  But nothing built up in my groin.  Nothing quickened, or struggled for release.  I'd made a kind of love with Jonathan because he'd wanted to, and because I'd loved him.  I'd had orgasms that passed through me like the spirits of people more devoted to the body than I was.  These spirits were pleasant enough in passing but truly gone when they were gone.  After Jonathan left town, I was alone inside myself.  This lack was probably what had made it possible for me to live my bakery life in Cleveland; to need no sensations beyond the first feathers of November snow and the living hiss of a needle touching vinyl."  - Bobby (Michael Cunningham's A Home at the End of the World)

not enough words. mix

1. oasis - talk tonight

2. third eye blind - god of wine

3. nico - these days

4. milton nascimento - sacramento

5. red hot chili peppers - tear

6. the shins - turn on me

7. au revoir simone - the lucky one

8. bowerbirds - olive hearts

9. okkervil river - black sheep boy

10. deerhunter - never stops

11. simon and garfunkel - the 59th street bridge song (feelin' groovy)

12. sigur ros -  gobbledigook 

13. jen lekman - you can call me al (paul simon cover)

14. blind melon - change

15. intricate machines - try something else

16. iron and wine - upward over the mountain

17. johnny cash - satisfied mind

18. modest mouse - one chance

19. bright eyes - first day of my life

20. samamidon - all is well

21. my morning jacket - thank you too

there are different ways to say hello. other ways to say goodbye. 

and these ways to keep us together when apart.

all the best.

e.

insanity is for the kind.

the ones who did not know how to draw the line

that separates you from me.  

insanity is for the generous

you told me that standing on the rock 

just before the sun came down.

insanity is for those who stand alone

on the edges of their perceptions clashing with reality.

leave us with mismatched truths.

insanity is yours, and it's mine. 

because we cared enough to see the genius in every living man.

love like that can make a man go wild.

but then i find you in my garden thursday night.

and realized i'd never be alone. 

never again.