change. change. change. change. change.
something has to change. change. change.
change. there needs to be a change. change.
change. change. i cannot alone. change.
change. something needs to change. change.
i need to make a change. change. change.

i cannot explain to her
why all of her friends stopped calling
once she made the decision
to do what was best for herself.

i cannot explain to him
why it wasn't fair of him
to fall in love when he did
and why he'd be burned at the stake.

i cannot explain to them
why some people chase after the wrong things,
then stumble upon the right thing at the wrong time.
every time.

i cannot explain to myself
whether or not this idea of us was just in my head
i cannot make excuses for anyone anymore
or for the fact that we're tearing our family apart.



i watch.
take count of who isn't there.
how quickly
things fall apart.








i cannot.
so i moved into a closet

decided that maybe it's time for the great escape.

today's horoscope: Friday, Nov 7th, 2008 -- The Moon's return to your sign can signal a reawakening of your emotions as you face a current complicated issue. But you may have residual negativity about something that is still bothering you, even though you've already been through it more than once. Consider what you are willing to let go of permanently in order to make room for what's next.

east of eden
there was a falling star
i wished on
for my twin brother

discovering that he had power
to overcome evil.
identifying as the black sheep,
i kept the secret locked.

the film eliminated
one of the most important characters.
lee added the hope into the story
now, reduced to a side-story idea.

timshel.
timshel.
timshel.

i. cal.
timshel.

america progressed.
california did the opposite.
a huge fuck you to everyone
that votes yes on 8.
and shame on you angelinos...

election day.



mother.
don't cry.

today.
the world will change.

i'll let you take a picture of me
if you let me cover my face.
i don't want anyone to know
it was me that wrote all those love letters.

signing the letter and finishing the mixed cd,
she packed all your clothes
into an american apparel bag.
telling herself she couldn't handle the friendship.

taking a single shot for fun,
the warmth finally hit him again
giving and taking anticipated questions
with long moments of silence between chosen words.

we drove long distances together,
making these familiar songs and roads
miss the love that got away
because i was too blind to see myself.

finally giving it a name.
we draw the lines.

carrying erasers in our pockets.

new ideas.
will be carried out.
as soon as i get some rest.

reunion.

.

and today's horoscope:

You are eager to put your best foot forward today, but you keep getting caught in the middle of other people's dramas. When you try to step back, though, others become concerned about your well-being, which can then add to the intensity you are trying to avoid. Keep in mind that beyond the noise of the current situation, a deeper stability will begin to emerge over the days ahead.