although this silence is all we have left
know that i have that song that always reminded
me of you on repeat in my head.

better than any mix tape i could give you for christmas.



__________________________________

prayers and blessing.

may a light burn in you always
the day i can no longer carry it for you.
and may the simple gestures
remind you how i once loved you.
and may you recognize and embrace it
before midnight spells have faded.

and may joy find you.
and me.
_______________________________

text dump [three]

seriously you just bounced like that? peace.

wow a bit sensitive, even for you. occur to you that i might not be in a bad mood at all? maybe it's time to cut back on the weed.

dude you're seriously making something out of nothing. maybe i was momentarily surprised because i thought you were eating one of my ramens without asking me.

108 withdrawal.

but dude it's free. a secret show with chairlift! my friend is in the band. come one you can't miss it.

i don't have enough monety

allie is home! we're just going to hang out at home. what about you?

god damnit! i wish.

i have just listened to this symphony which mozart dashed off in one day and it had enough wild and crazy joy to last forever, whatever forever is - bukowski. plans for the holiday? talk tomorrow?

ok. keep me up to date about the camera thing. talk to you soon

so do we not talk now? are you still coming thursday?

i have nothing to say. once again. i'm just at a loss for words. what's supposed to change?

you got a minute to chat?

coming homes.

hang out with me and shaunathan taylor thomas.

sorry didn't get a chance to say bye. didn't want to wake yo up. see you in a few days. i have donnie the garage clicker. love you ian.

dude we just parked. daveo is way too drunk. he's immobile.

is that supposed to sound nice?

sex party

wasted as well just holla at you

how much would you want for a "ride" home

don't worry about it baby! at the flyaway now. miss and love you!

he just left. sigh. miss you. sigh.

jet is on its way.

glad to have you back. love you.

i guess i understand why you want to get out, but i still don't get what happened the other week.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lover you shouldve come over - Jeff Buckley

too young to hold on. and too old to just break free and run.

i no longer need this audience
for these thoughts to be true.
our lives turned into a circus,
and now the curtain is falling.

i possess the intentions, compassion, and love of a mother
in the body of a middle-aged father.

once i sort through this fact,
i can begin this conversation
about naming sexuality.

undocumented days.