empty
we take the first set of tables.
i sat closest to the open door
wrapping my legs
with the thin brown blazer
that i bought used for five dollars,
the chemicals are warming my upper body.
i carve a smile on my face.
tequilla sunrises promise enough warmth
to cause a headache in the morning
then all the eyes enter.
a red clifford dog greats me,
i'm too drunk to care they just found it on the street.
order more drinks.
here's another twenty, just stay.
i could tell by the red in his eyes
that he threw up
to make room for more drinks,
another pair of eyes stare out the front door,
lost.
superficial smiles almost compensated
for the empty stairs of a certain pair.
pulling me close to him,
he awkwardly hugged my head while i stood
then pulled it down to kiss me on the forehead.
four dollars in jukebox.
new order and those other jams.
i just wanted the boy band part of the night to come already
when we sing
bad love songs from the 90s until we fell asleep.
fucking britney spears.
we danced around each other all night
people left the bar disappointed,
excusing themselves because they were too drunk -
it had nothing to do with the fact
that he wasn't talking to you,
right?
the cab of friends abandon me
everyone around me falling to the ground.
you cannot declare your love for me
while you struggle to stand again on your own.
you know it pisses her off when you tell me you love me.
her eyes brand guilt onto my skin.
i hail the cab
pay the tab.
incapable of hiding under my blanket,
i cuddled in the empty house until
you come in crying too.
i just missed the night's explosion.
i wait for the lights to turn down,
my friends teaching me
to laugh at my own misfortune.
we giggle all night
while we finish the shitty chinese food leftovers.
i laugh through my sleep.
and miss my opportunity to say
bye to you.
