"life is things falling apart. the lesson is putting them back together."
-keynote speaker via mayo.

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"when there's nothing left to burn
you have to set yourself on fire."

utilizing your method of rationalization, i positioned myself to be the person in the wrong. i used that last sentence out of your mouth as a mantra to explain the karmatic hurt that has made it rounds back to me. for all the lies, and for the disguise i rest my words at your feet for you to kick away. four drafted letters never sent, summed into the lines of exchanges that would end the conscious weaving of our lives. my confession returned, ribbon untied. i threw it in the garbage without opening again. its contents in no man's hands, i leave you to your life. i cannot afford to hurt anyone anymore, nor can i afford it to come back to me.

i concede.

it's a strange feeling
to become conscious of
just how much someone
hates you.

packed up
your bags
sail nights
to unforgotten
plains of
independence.
you weren't
scared to
move on.
you were
scared of
losing control.

an apology
returned to
sender. ashamed,
he turns
another way.

such good music.
then such sad news.
makes me confused
about how i feel
about all
of
you.

casually, he delivers news
that causes so many words
to go through my head
that i forget to speak at all.

no longer a false alarm,
autumn approaches
and the part of summer
where we revaluate the last year
sneaks up gently next to us.

moving between
real time
and school time.
we cannot halt these growing pains.

interweaving our lives
through victory
and defeat

at war with ourselves.