shout me out. tv on the radio.

since you.
she can see
everyones
hesitation
to become
close to her.

since you.
she's learned
that the thing
she fears
the most is
loneliness.

since you.
her dependency
has become
something
very real.

and has become
the one thing
she works and
thinks against.

since you.
she's learned
about herself
and resents
every good
thing about
her.

words wrapped up in music.
a new mix.

1. new slang. the shins
2. olive hearts. bowerbirds
3. blackbird/yesterday. the beatles
4. someone great. lcd soundsystem
5. no one's gonna love you. band of horses
6. cry me a river. ella fitzgerald
7. while my guitar gently weeps. the beatles
8. lovestain. jose gonzalez
9. intermission. (the same in any language)
10. metal heart. cat power
11. reason why. rachel yamagata
12. harsh words. lonely dear
13. i'll bring you home. jennifer o'connor
14. wait for summer. yeasayer
15. feel the love. cut copy.
16. wall-o. king walrus & jesus
17. in the water. feist
18. skeleton. yeah yeah yeahs

-de.jesus.
((thank you)).

i'm a little bit of everywhere.

sunday, august 30th, 2009 -- you can count on others to come through for you in very basic ways today and this will be more important than superficial words or grandiose promises. your friends might not be overly demonstrative now, but there won't be any doubt about their love and support. don't be afraid to ask for what you need because you'll likely receive it.

sunday began on rooftops
staring at the fires in the horizon.
i smoke the cigarette you give me
and hang my head over the edge of the building,
an instant rush turns my face flush
i take my first drag.

and somewhere between there and here
i ended up in a cafe
demanding any sandwich that had bacon,
the waitress laughed at my request
and obliged ten minutes later.
distracted, i stopped eating it
and threw it back into the paper bag
as my friend handed my
a bacon wrapped hotdog a block later.

airhumped while asleep.
i slept unphased until
a 4:30 wake up call,
another friend demanding i
roll out of his sleeping space,
i catch myself half asleep
laughing along with
the hawaii breeze machine
that forces me to wrap up in
the sleeping bag
already waiting for me.

we pass each other
in the morning
as each wake to footsteps by their heads.

we take detours
and end up in the grocery store,
i end up in my kitchen
with the fan he moved
to cool me off.

quick naps induced by the heat
and fried comfort food,
goodbyes were short
in our different states of nap.

we talk of dreams turned plot,
advice about new acquisitions
and plans to visit home again

i play my favorite movie
in an empty house,
fan in my face.

my telephone rings.
followed by a ride
with radiohead and dj am

that song that's been repeating
in everyone's car
dumbs me out to its beat.
i catch myself from singing about
missing someone great.



i call from my mother

i hug from an old friend
(he knows not how much i need it)

and even the fucking hello
never felt much better.

thank you.

all my friends
are writing songs with their girlfriends,
i listen by my windows
on a warm summer night
to all the sounds of wild love
before expected
goodbyes.

last night
i had a cigarette in my room,
paralyzed by the heat
and exhaustion caused by
all this new quiet.
i review the past
slowly one last time -
i'd never be able to keep up
with my readings if
i took anymore time.

i sorted out my head in a cold theater

*** he throws the cards
says he quits
say that there is enough bullshit in the world
without his own contribution. ***

"i was never much of a dancer but I know enough to know you gotta move your idiot body around. and you can't, can't settle down until the idiot in your blood settles down...so move around. i'll move around. i'll move around."

slighted by a tender hand.