salud. first tastings.

bocce monday with christopher. october 11, 2010

chapter 20: creative. considerate. well-travelled professionals seek Home.

i am trying my best
and my best just may be good enough.

someone who inspires me.

and life proposed another change, another goodbye, and another reason to spend a bit of time doing the things we always said we would. and two friends, saying goodbye to each other for an indefinite amount of time, decided to do a little collaboration for a photo assignment. we stayed close to home and i photographed my little muse just around the corner.

funny how much certain friendship come into focus when an end is visible.

playdate after work. fei fei. hancock park, los angeles, june 2010.

morning after lauren and demian's wedding. lake arrowhead.

the morning after lauren and demian's sunny late spring wedding.


Tree Planting Ceremony.

In nature we observe the essential patterns of all living things. Albert Einstein suggested that we can understand everything better by taking a deep look at nature. Today, we take a look at how the patterns of chance, environment, love, and nourishment brought these two lives together.

Today we take a moment to observe what happens when two nuts decide to stand their ground, together.

The trees here at Lake Arrowhead have a special significance, as they created a peaceful retreat for the Akazawa family for the last 16 years – later, too, becoming the meeting place and home for the beginning of Demian and Lauren’s relationship. These two have returned to the origin of their love to plant these seeds as a symbol of their commitment to grow together.

Lauren and Demian, would you please plant the seeds.

Planting - Demian and Lauren have chosen to plant the seeds of a special Jacaranda tree – the tree under which Demian proposed to Lauren a year ago. Just as the shade from that tree marked a milestone in their relationship, the planting of these seeds signify the beginning of their life together. Jacaranda trees are also distinct in their vibrant mauve blossoms. May these seeds represent the bright future you two will share. These May the vivid mauve blossoms will highlight these special grounds with the symbol of your love. And may your love reach for the sky and sing in wildly beautiful colors.

Lauren and Demian, would you now please water the seeds.

Watering text – And just like caring for the seeds of a tree, marriage can only sprout with nourishment and care. In your words and actions towards each other – may you nurture one another with the beauty of both your natures. May you allow your roots to grow deeply, and learn to share the joy love brings both with and within you. In watering these seeds – remember the importance in speaking gently to each other, holding one another carefully through the winds of change, and allowing your love to flourish in the sun.

Loves bears witness to the function and meaning of all living things – luckily, we have nature to demonstrate just what true love can achieve.

Louis de Bernieres once said, “Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other under ground, and when all the pretty blossoms have fallen from their branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”

By planting this tree, we begin to watch the story of two nuts that – by chance - fell into the same place at the same time, and decided to create something beautiful with it. Chance brought them here, and love brings them back to these grounds for all of us to witness the story of how two nuts become one.

when you said that it was all water under the bridge
i didn't realize that i should have brought my floating device.

closure over sangria.

"Think of a tree. When you think of a tree, you tend to think of a distinctly defined object; and on a certain level, it is. But when you look more closely at the tree, you will see that ultimately it has no independent existence. When you contemplate it, you will find that it dissolves into an extremely subtle net of relationships that stretches across the universe. The rain that falls on its leaves, the wind that sways it, the soil that nourishes and sustains it, all the seasons and the weather, moonlight and starlight and sunlight - all form part of this tree. As you begin to think about the tree more and more, you will discover that everything in the universe helps to make the tree what it is, that it cannot at any moment be isolated from anything else, and that at every moment its nature is subtly changing."

Sogyal Rinpoche, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

plato's symposium + hedwig and the angry inch
the origin of love.

writing to do.

i met him, waving in the wind.
his blonde curls matched
the boldness of his name.
three years later,
he'd remind me why we were friends.
placing value on the
only thing we could exchange -
a chance to change
the destination on this ticket.

found photo

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." -john donne

living up to expectations.

dear boo.

i miss you. making a mix for you.
i need you to send me your address.

this one song was' b's idea.

love,
e.

the scene: grilled cheese two ways. tomato soup. boys over a stove.

misadventures.

long car ride alone,
california poppies light the hills on my way home.
i descend the grapevine,
foot off all pedals -

i was greeted by a purple field -
i tossed all troubles
for 36 hours out the window.
heater blasting at my feet.

a gradual descent.
i thought of other times
we'd make this trek.

you were the last thing i threw out.

a song from an old friend hart played,
"i'm in love with you completely,
i'm afraid that's all i can do."

missed adventures.

minor ulcers.
writing letters
maybe unsent.

fucking advertisements.
radio stations.

whiskey glass
too many.

sunday morning
sleeping in.

our words
happily twist.
hugs, expected.

pastel colors
shared smoke

"i'm broke."
"me too."
we laugh.
watch television.

hug goodbyes.
mama cries.
long drives.

work again.

the end to a found old letter:

... and so, my blessings for your journey! Travel light and unencumbered so that you can readily recognize the beauty around you. take care of the basics in life such as eating well, resting fully, laughing often, gazing at sunsets and oftentimes beating the dawning of a new day that you may realize the grandeur of life...

old friends. new words.
filled in half an hour.
now, work and jim.
then downtown for my fei.

all that i was supposed to do.
three pages, thirty minutes.
everyone knew it was like Alphabetical.
"everyone knows it doesn't really matter no more."

my retail therapy turned against me.

reset button.

long leashes and transparent boundaries.

lyric hunting.

currently processing with:

1. airplanes. local natives
2. animal. miike snow
3. bad kids. black lips
4. bucket. kings of leon
5. dull to pause. junior boys
6.. f*ck it, i love you - malcolm middleton
7. we went to paris. jimmy buffett
8. help yourself. sad brad smith
9. home. edward sharpe and the magnetic zeroes
10. please, please, please let me get what i want. the smiths
11. possibility - lykki li
12. quelqu'un m'a dit - carla bruni
13. ring ring. sleigh bells
14. the skin on my yellow country teeth. claps your hands say yeah
16. vagabond. wolfmother
17. waterloo sunset. the kinks
17. world news. local natives
18. zebra. beach house
19. 1901. phoenix

iantastic is fantastic. charlie <3 mix. march 2010.

work.

off.
shower.
alcohol run.
bbq.
jameson.
firepit.
jameson.
mayo.
jameson.
crash.

hangover breakfast.
pick up car (dignity).
latte
bookshop.
silverspoon
da vinci.
dhalia.
wilde.
steve.
l'eau serge lutens.
black coffee.
grove.

whiskey.
convertible.
sing.
whiskey.
sunburn.

family.
brisket.
awkward smile.
expectation.
revelation.
carrot cake.
beer.
hugs.
hugs.
hugs.

whiskey.
top down.
sing along.
whiskey.

casa bonita.
company.
video games.
in n' out.
talk about vegas.

reckless abandon.

gas.
redbull.
music.
music.
music.
vegas.
craps.
penny's.
cole.

nap.
whiskey.
bloody mary.
craps.
quarters.
pennys.
craps.
flat tire.
leann.

sunflower seeds
lunchables
market
salmon
tilapia
laundry.
shower.
sleep

work.

serendipity. reckless abandon. detox.

i rang my 25th to a little surprise in the kitchen.
putting the pieces of the previous night.
i laughed and thanked my sleepy roomate
before i walked out the front door.

a bourbon gift while at my computer -
i counted the time down until the
red velvet cupcake.

phone lost and facebook-flooded email account,
fill me with anxiety.
6pm, i'm out the door

and into the arms of my best friend.

two shots and phone found,
we fill the car.

superbowl.bbq - andrew and paisley.

new old music.

next song on the pink ipod shuffle:

go your own way. fleetwood mac.

25

piscies on celing of grand central station. new york. february 2010.

hello, 25.

1. motorcycle drive-by. third eye blind
2. imagine. - john lennon
3. keep it loose, keep it tight. amos lee.
4. wonderwall. oasis
5. man in the mirror. michael jackson
6. somewhere over the rainbow. israel kamakawiwo'ole
7. california dreaming. the mamas and papas
8. someone great. lcd soudsystem.
9. hoppipola. sigur ros
10. landslide. fleetwood mac.
11. walking. nico
12. high and dry. radiohead
13. the first single. the format
14. fast car. tracy chapman
15. tiny dancer. elton john.
16. hyperballad. bjork
17. lover you should have come over. jeff buckley
18. push. matchbox 20
19. your legs grow. nada surf
20. bridge over troubled water. simon and garfunkle.
21. god of wine. third eye blind
22. you can't always get what you want. the rolling stones.
23. light speed. matt & kim
24. easy. the commodores
25. beauty. the shivers

star alfur -sigur ros

michelle's itune fortune telling game.

question: "give me a song to end my 24th year."

answer: if i ever feel better. -phoenix.

clams with habenero+wine+shallot+garlic+grape tomatoes
basil fetuccini with mushroom/asparagus cream white wine sauce
deglazing of tilapia droppings

+ tilapia + salad + sesame bread + cheese + beer =

welcome back, March.

c.r.a.z.y

i am not amused with your last night's behavior...
except the parts where you break out in song and dance.

upside down.

i had a dream that we had a few drinks
then decided to go to the airport.

i drunkenly thought that we were getting on our sunday evening flight

you decided to take someone's motorcycle to the airport -
we left a grand brick library
it stood 5 stories tall,
outdoor balconies completed the west end of floor.

i put my helmet on and hold onto you.

it's a blur going from the 405
to some aged foreign urban city.
(something like if los angeles
had a history of a place like rome).

when i remember that i forgot my backpack on one of the library patios -
(second floor patio/grassed area where we were drinking).
there was no direct entrance to the second floor -
only the first and the fifth floor.
but for some reason there was no access to the other floors from the first.

i remember running around crazy -
trying to find my backpack with my passport and ID
so that id' be able to catch my flight.

i find myself in secret rooms and random banisters -
one of the stair hallways had an old looking statue
that looked like three stone bells strung up - one on top of the other.
a faint light shown on them from above -
indistinct faces were carved into the bells.

i end up on all outside balconies, unable to find my backpack.
i'm all sweaty and anxious that i won't catch my flight
having a glimpse that i was just dreaming, i tell myself -
this can't be real. it's only then
when i realize that i was wearing my backpack the whole time.
i run out of the library labyrinth
to find a bus to take me back to the airport.

i pull my moleskine out of my green backpack to check my flight time.
"3:05pm" i do a double take at my cell phone clock -
"3:35." "3:35"
i jump out of the bus and onto another motorcycle.
still drunk (but not realizing it),
i arrive at the airport - late.

a cop pulls me over.
i turn around, and all of a sudden i'm on a coastal highway at night.
he gives me a sobriety test - asks me to blow in the tube
then tells me, "i won't ticket you as long as you find another way home -
i can escort you home for $1000, or you can your own way."
i went for option 2 - to which he made me get in his car
to drive me far enough away from my motorcycle
that if i decided to walk back,
I'd be sober already.

he drops me off in a completely foreign neighborhood.
i see indian kids riding their bikes down the hills.
i call you to pick me up.
you ask me me, "what were you doing trying to catch the flight -
it's not until next Sunday."
trying to convince myself it was all a dream,
i ask you to come pick me up as i hide behind some pillars.
you ask, "where are you exactly? i can hardly hear you...
i'm at a club right now, I'll hit you up when i get out of here."

frustrated,
i start my five mile walk back to the coast highway.

and wake looking at the tree outside my window, upside down.

time for a getaway.

with a new car battery,
i spend some time to myself
exploring our old neighborhood
listening to your mix, part II.

(it made me feel guilty that
i now cannot impart any kind of advice
to help you get through whatever it is you are going through).

i feel sorry
for how quickly
our pettiness prevented the proper
words to be exchanged
when they needed to be exchanged.

ill-thoughts festered in silence.

and i feel ill for
how all these fucking songs
we shared are telling me of the truths -
i could not save you,
and you, me.

forced independence
made me turn against you.



the ringing in my ear is going away.
which probably means you
are no longer thinking
of me.

there are no lies
in this common experience -
truth need only be believed by
the eyes of the beholder.


i'm wishin'
that we fall back down
to earth
sometime soon.

and when i land,
i'll be waiting.

kuz back in la = friday with manu's lasagna.

the canvas, sewn at the seems,
dangled between their bodies.
every word breaking into smaller letters,
turn inaudible sound.
you look at me like it's time to go,
the last thing i would ever see of you do
is open that door.

bride and mom. central park, new york. february 13 2010

snowtop nyc (from 61st floor of empire state building). new york, february 13, 2010

baked salmon (lemon, olive oil, mint, pepper, garlic)
romain salad (orange and red peppers, tomatoes, balsamic vinegarette).
avacado salad (sliced avacado, tomatoes. lemon. salt/pepp)
cucumber salad (cubed cucumber, mint, lemon juice, diced shallot, diced pepper)

another wedding coming.

i can feel my nerves rattling.
a tiered level of emotions stack on top of one another.

failed thursdays turned wastey.





chris. mansfield thursdays. february 2010.

kaub.ghost bw. mansfield, december 2009

salad with mixed diced.
steamed green beans (lemon/olive oil/salt/pepper)
butternut squash "fries" (tasty mush).
roasted (dry-brined) chicken. (orangette recipe)

talapia, tomatoes + asparagus - de christo.
mansfield - february 2 2010.

indian/cowgirl

- kaub. day off. mansfield, january 2010.