the penniless woman on the corner screams out
"stop hurting me! stop hurting me! stop hurting me!"
she yells up at the sky and continues,
"why does everyone hurt each other!?
why does everyone hurt each other?!"
i hand her the only change in my pocket -
a fifty cent coin my friend gave me to cheer me up
that night our belligerent friend called me a fag.


i get home and quickly warm up my lunch,
taking a look at the conversations on my desktop
from the night before.

"did i really say that?"

i shake my head in embarrassment and relief
that i finally got those words
out of my head.

the chicken is still a little cold,
but i eat it anyway.

all this talk about insanity with my mom lately
makes me think about the woman on the corner.
were we too soon in believing we finished dodging
tragedy. over and over again, together.

she gives me the last of her extra money
to pay off my last parking ticket.

i eat these cold leftovers
and think, "buddy, welcome to reality."

i finish my last cigarette
and run back to work.

dear manu,

how do you feel about this???

i hear your voices down the hall,
get off my computer
greeting you with hugs,
then blacking out.

and i sleep like a happy child
waking hour later
to the smell of frying prosciutto
and cinnamon challa french toast

tea from the forest cafe days,
you run
and a cold glass waits
for when you get home.

like a best friend.
a best friend.

i escaped on copenhagen rowboats.

"there is a sacredness in tears. they are not the mark of weakness, but of power." - washington irving.

temporary relief
in this unbrief silence.

my most recent submission.

because i have been followed by a moon shadow -
someone there to stand behind you when your world ain't working right -
there's nothing here to run from,'cause everybody here's got somebody to lean on.
i'm permanently blue for you.
if you left me, darling I know I'll be found if you need me
i should have walked away, i could have walked away.
don't look back in anger. don't look back in anger.

lyric.line-fortune.telling.game-poetry

a distorted memory launched
into misspelled words of defeat.
spilling onto a warm asphalt,
they all soon evaporate.
the glass still in tact, now empty
allows room for another drink.
and because i'll remember it
we'll live clashing realities.

singing songs all night long
tangled words before dawn
and restless dreams keep you
from things you never knew
and right on cue he sings
the morning bells now ring
of hypotheticals
and counted syllables
never to be spoken.
we pass on these tokens -

and all these words, just words
and all these words, just words
and all these words, just words.

always clever, your words.

in my defense,
i have paid off most my debts
with a single unpaid parking ticket left.
my room belonged to me,
forty five hours a weeks
committed to new
friendships, redefined spaces,
new boundaries and new recipes.
and on the week's end,
i bit my nails off
until we turned off valley circle.
i grabbed the hand of my passenger
excited about remembering
what makes
this all
worth
it.

what made it okay was what was never said.
forced to make room for change,
made more difficult by my inability to move on.
the painful secret is the price we find paying
for imagining life to be so sweet.
for momentary epiphanies -
truths to live by.
to learn to live life to the fullest,
meant the eventual letting go of
important pieces of your life
the biggest challenge
i've ever dealt with
alone.

the more you let go,
the more you let in.
and i run through these cycles -
friendships fragmented into silence.


in the last week i've learned a lesson in timing:
and just how off beat i find myself dancing.
i've learned of the little effort it takes
to show some gratitude for the people touching my life.

i learned how lucky i was
that not everyone sees me the same anymore.
and for better or worse,
i have found myself in the company
that promises to go these changes
together.




happy birthday, b.

to learn about boundary
and honesty
and how it differs from criticism.

to learn about about change
and the boundlessness
of your infinity.

to learn about honesty
and the words
never exchanged.

to learn about trust
and it necessity
for things to
be created.

nourishment in kisses to my balding head
and an unexpected hello from abroad.
old faces talk close to mine,
invaded personal space
never felt so good.

tequila. tequila. tequila.

i throw the steaks on the grill
and make sure everyone has enough to drink -
i say hello to the people in the corner
and happily roll around the pool.

more hugs. more hugs. more hugs
catching up in the length of a cigarette.
a common denominator
holds us together
a little longer.





and i couldn't give a fuck about lost keys.
its consequences providing
unexpected surprises.

warmth in all the right places
and all the familiar voices.