saturday.

monochromatic friend placed a hat on his head
he knew how beautiful he's gotten in the last few months,
making up for some interior short circuit.

before i blacked out
you called me,
sprawled out on the cold concrete
my chest felt like it was about implode.

breathing irregularly,
i slipped my fingers between my shirt buttons
pressed my fingers against my chest
and said a little prayer
in a text message.

pills?

dazed the next morning i hugged you goodbye
then thought about what you said

the
whole
ride
home.







"i have lot invested in others' happiness," he said nervously.





















i moved again.
spending individual time
with as many people
before things change.

i've learned a lot about human nature and human relationships.
its fragility. its curiosity. its futility.
its lack of accountability.
its desire for each to find their OWN sense of happiness.

and i have discovered a happiness
in the love for people
that i have projected myself against.

each, a canvas for my light drawings.

but incapable of knowing who i really was,
i failed at commitment
and moved on,
on my own again.

i really do feel like sometime soon i may...