twenty-five random facts
*response to facebook chain from zorina and charlie

1. sometimes i smoke cigarettes just because i feel awkward in large groups of people and use it to excuse myself from the room. i'm more addicted to its use in social situations than i am of how it physically it makes me fell.
2. when i get nervous talking to someone i either yawn or smile and nod a lot. this nervousness often sprouts from one of two things: shyness and feeling of inferiority.
3. sometimes i cry when people i like get voted off reality tv competition shows
4. my three greatest fears are: losing my memory, being alone for long periods of time, and being homeless ( i feel bad when i don't give homeless people change or ignore them on the street because i fear one day being in their shoes).
5. i recently gave up on the idea of making wishes (on stars, cigarettes, and 11:11), realzing that i can't leave me fortune or failure up to fate.
6. as transparent as my emotions and experiences seem to be, it's probably only about 50% of what's actually going on in my head.
7. when i'm in new places or without certain friends, i have conversations with certain friends in my head either to make decisions about what i'm doing with my life or think of ways to describe new experiences or thoughts.
8. inspired by perks of being a wallflower, i started making mixed albums for friends with the intentions of sharing my thoughts or feelings towards them or what's going on in my life at the time, heavily relying on lyrics of a song rather than the music itself.
9. the greatest joy i get out of cooking comes from sharing a meal with people i care about.
10. the photographs i am most proud of taking are the ones where i can tell in a single image how close i am with certain individuals that come in and out of my life.
11. i've learned to balance my emotional sensitivity with an even greater capacity to forgive - sometimes others, mostly myself.
12. my favorite books and movies are recommendations of favorite books by the closest people in my life. the process of understanding someone better through a book recommendation makes reading it more memorable. and i often binge on movies and read most fervently when i feel lost or fed up with my own realities.
13. growing up (with no cable television) - the only movies my family owned (and that i watched on repeat) were: lion king, waiting to exhale, evita, and schindler's list... which may explain a lot about me.
14. i'd like to think i notice the small things and appreciate the details.
15. most of the time i'm the last person to fall asleep because i'm afraid i'm going to miss out on something - only often to be left wide awake alone until sunrise.
16. sometimes when i'm drunk i like to dance like a dirty girl - it gets worse when there are poles involved.
17. i know the lyrics to most of mariah carey's ballads and most 90s r&b love pop songs.
18. whenever a large group of my friends get together, i take note of who's not there and think about them anytime i'm alone the remainder of the night.
19. the most meaningful conversations i've had in my life have either been over a single cigarette or driving to places where the destination didn't matter.
20. sometimes i prefer talking to some of my friends when we are under the influence because i'm not as comfortable talking about my feelings as i appear to be when sober. i didn't realize this until one time i had verbal diharreah about things i've never mentioned before - to which i had to explain later that these were the things i think about all the time and not just when i'm not sober.
21. i'm actually really bad at keeping in touch. i have bad online etiquette. i take forever to email people back. and i'm bad at talking on the phone. and i always drown myself in the people directly in my life.
22. one of my dreams growing up was to have a photograph on the cover of a Vanity Fair magazine - this would later change into a dream of one day becoming a spiritual guru.
23. i love bacon too much to be a vegetarian.
24. i am sensitive to my environment and over-think in my attempt to fill the holes in unexpected behavior of people i care about and inexplainable events.
and i think i'm more judgmental and conservative than i'd like to be.
25.i prefer being in the driver's seat and you as navigator/dj/friend.