seeking independence was something like:

finding an income that fit my lifestyle,
establishing myself without the context of my past,
getting over you.
replacing guilt with hope that things would change,
calling my dad for advice instead of money,
learning to not ask from my family what they could not provide,
removing expectations of my friends knowing i need them without asking,
long drives across the country to think,
learning to be okay with indefinite goodbyes,
reestablishing what it meant for me to be a "man,"
learning to stop relying or hoping in wishes,
living with my decisions and the consequences of my actions,
accepting that others' lives don't and have never revolved around me,
removing the desire of needing to share everything i think with you,
acquiring my own taste in film, literature, and music,
not allowing money (or lack thereof) determine my worth,
removing any need to be needed,
disappearing,
reappearing,
displaying to everyone that i am worth something,
giving myself a reason

to keep going despite the fact that everything familiar is now lost.






seeking independence was something like balancing the need to start all over
while dealing with all the mess that i left behind.

something like growing up?