in a minute.
i'll be back on the daily grind.
in 9 hours, i will have earned
the next days off.

earned.
like it wasn't mine already.

i composed a proposition
that would, once again
leave me alone
to play with gems on the hardwood floor.

zombie killing songs
bring everyone in the room
together again.
nostalgia gives us all the data we need
to connect.

afterglow hangovers
felt better when i was younger.

i'm getting too old to do this.

i propose my composition, instead.
telling the truth
never lasted
so long.

i rerolled the film,
and lost - to chance - a cathedral memory.

i lessen the shadows
and find myself
playing with gems again
alone,

the ceiling fan sounds like it's going to fall off.

we chose to live by the motto
that some things are better left unsaid -
another phrase we add
to our blackbook of rationalizations.
instead we reject emotion
and once again turns ourselves off
before anything hypothetical
can become a problem.
rationalization used to cover
the smell of
fear.

with the tapping of your foot against mine
i feel a warmth that chases me out your front door again.

i crack two eggs onto a hot pan
the opaque texture turns into different shades of white
if that is even possible.

i throw my change into the paper cup,
sipping on today's means of earning
some pocket money.

rent and other obligations
halt new acquisitions and planned expeditions
and trap me in my own living room on friday nights.

i'm almost out of popcorn breakfast
sweat by the fan in silence
and wait for inspiration to shock me

and get me the hell out of here.

lee ('s idea). citrus - june 8, 2009

i know nothing and i'm overjoyed.

today's collaboration.

intended order.

everyday. indian jewelry
bluish. animal collective
keeping up. arthur russell
windfall. cass mccombs
i just wasn't made for these times. beach boys
unravel. bjork, tom yorke.
blood bank. bon iver
motorcycle drive by. third eye blind
he keeps me alive. sally shapiro
you know what i mean. phil collins
umbrella. rhiana, passenger
snookered. dan deacon
atmosphere. joy division
waiting for superman. iron and wine
you can call me al. paul simon, jens lekman
smile upon me. passion pit
within your reach. the replacements
tightrope. yeasayer

ebeni nine months.
alexia sleep.
alexia cry.


bakersfield california
march 2009.

coppercunt. by fei

coppercunt casey purple - downtown los angeles - may 2009.

i excavated through piles of clippings
different textures absorbed the images differently.
some paper let the colors fade,
other glossed over
like an unfailing memory.

she had an unfailing memory.

i never meant to close the gate on you,

i heard you sing about it somewhere.

i thank you for letting me escape.
but can only say so much
when we meet at the bars now.

i can offer you a warm glass of affection
but that is it.

as long as you promise
we can talk about it again.
when we aren't drunk.

i'm talking
to myself
again.

friday.night.

i spent the weekend with my family.
my retreat.

when i returned i filled my mind with new thoughts with a friend
and once again, dumbstruck with something meaningful.


ken robinson.

it's worth the 20 minutes.

"worry is the prayer for the things you do not want."


"little did i realize that from that day onward, I was never to be my old normal self again, that I had unwillingly and without preparation or even adequate knowledge of it roused to activity the most wonderful and stern power in man... for a long time i had to live suspended by a thread, swimming between life on the one hand and death on the other, between sanity and insanity, between light and darkness, between heaven and earth..." Gogi Krishna

"Ian - I want to point out the fault that I am both drunk and sober. stoned and sober. drunk and stoned. i don't know where i am, but i can be right here. there is a stream that dissects the universe and our time. that is the place where you'll find PEACE."

"i will kill you with a name
then you'll know we're not the same
but without you i'll be nothing, too
i looked my best when i was inside of you."





moleskine. april 2007.

graduated.